LOVING AN ALCOHOLIC BOYFRIEND
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Loving an Alcoholic Boyfriend
When you know and understand it very well that your boyfriend or husband is an alcoholic, it feels just like a light bulb that has gone off in your head. Living together with an alcoholic can put you on a specific emotional roller coaster that will take a heavy toll. Now that you know that the level of the substance in his bloodstream is mainly responsible for his big anger, irrational behavior, neglect, lies, mood swings, and secrecy. You have realized that he is really an alcoholic, and yet you still want to love him and want to stand always by him. Perhaps it is for the goodness of your children or of course because you remember a relationship that was once mutually caring and loving. Regardless of your specific motives or anything, standing by and loving an alcoholic is really challenging. The following points are a few key things that may help you to persevere when you love this alcoholic boyfriend or husband:
Understand That You Are Not The Only One
Currently, about 17.6 million adults in the U.S. suffer from alcoholism, alcohol abuse or dependence. Several million more people are in risky, binge-drinking patterns that may lead to alcohol problems. Men have more tendency to drink excessively and have twice the rate of binge drinking as women. Moreover, men are more vulnerable to risky behaviors related with alcohol abuse including aggression, suicide and drunk driving. These sobering statistics confirm that alcohol is a serious public health burden and shows that millions of other people are experiencing typical confusion caused by loving an alcoholic boyfriend. As such, there are so many available recovery programs that can help you deal with this, including support groups for family members.
Bear in Mind that this is not your fault
People who have alcoholic lover too often blame themselves until they understand that alcoholism is a disease. As such, you cannot stop it or avert it, but you can be the catalyst to make him understand he has a issue. If he select not to take the road of recovery, you are surely not at fault and have to forget any feelings of guilt so you are able to heal.
Give some Helps, but Don’t Enable
It may be difficult to understand the difference between support and harmful enabling. It may seem like you are helping him and being a good loving partner when you try to make excuses for his strange behavior or you assume responsibilities he handles. If he does not get the outcome of his alcoholism, there is no reason for your lover to get sober. You have to support his positive choices and his trials to get sober, but never make justification for him. Allow him to face the problems from his drinking.
Ask Him to Seek Professional Help
Alcoholism is a major disease that needs professional recovery treatment. Nearly 88,000 people die from alcohol-related sickness every year in the U.S. Your boyfriend will never get better if he does not try to seek help. While he will likely blame you of nagging, try to give the impetus to make him realize that he needs help. He may get angry or allege that you are not loving him, but supporting him to seek help is the most loving thing you can do. Actually, doing so will likely save his life.
Get Ready for His Recovery
If your boyfriend or husband has taken the challenge and is in rehab or actively participated in another form of recovery treatment, you need to get ready for the long road ahead. Living with a recovering alcoholic will get you many challenges. You have to be aware that he will desire alcohol and experience many conditions of weakness. You have to try to make your home a safe haven by disposing all alcohol. Try to Ask friends and family to help his newfound sobriety and not serve alcohol when you get together. Understand that it can get worse again, but it is really possible for him to have a new start if he keep committed to recovery.
Have a good Communication With Your Children
If you live with your children together, be open and talk about the issue and discuss this in a good manner that is age appropriate. While there is absolutely no reason to keep secrets from younger children, you have to discuss this in terms that they can understand. You have to talk about addiction by explaining what it is and how it should be treated. Support your children to discuss about their feelings and to never be afraid of asking questions.
Take Care of Yourself
Loving an alcoholic boyfriend or husband is never easy. It is a big burden that will make an emotional, mental and physical toll on the entire members of family. It will need more time to communicate to someone you trust, join a support group or try to seek professional therapy. Individual treatment is mandatory for the mental health of you and your children. Family therapy is able to help in improving communication among family members, rebalance the family dynamic and give a peaceful environment to express anger, fear and other concerns. You also have to eat right, get good sport and sleep and find time to do things that you love.
Understand When to Go Away
Research shows that marriages in which only one spouse consumes alcohol heavily end in divorce 50% of the time. Wives and girlfriends of alcoholic boyfriends and husbands are often subjected to many types of alcohol-related abuse. Emotional, verbal, physical and financial abuse must not be tolerated. If your spouse refuses to get help, if he is aggressive and abusive or you and your children are very suffering, you may have to choose a hard choice. You should not feel like you have failed if you determine to leave. Your choice does not mean you do not love him, or that your relationship has bad future. Being apart for a period of time may be important for your own or your children safety and well-being.
Having relationship with and loving an alcoholic is very very difficult. If you want to stand by your partner and help him get the sobriety, you must not forget to take care of yourself. This is important.
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